Discharged!

I'm writing this post with such mixed emotions. I feel like I've just been to the hairdressers and had my long hair cut into a beautiful lob?! I know this is what I want, but the apprehension of future is creeping in, will I like it tomorrow? Will I be able to style it like the hairdresser? Have I just made the biggest mistake having my comfort blanket cut off?!

After 44 weeks of weekly weigh-ins, hospital appointments, therapy sessions, community care and dietician appointments I'm discharged.

I've come so far, I know to react to my hunger pangs, I know that being fed correctly gives me the fuel to function and ultimately I know that food is AWESOME!

So why am I so scared?

Because one of the thoughts that still haunts me on a weekly basis is that I never thought I'd have been able to get myself into such a state, yet somehow a nasty disease flared up and took over when I was at my most vulnerable. Although I feel strong enough and more self aware to never let myself go back to such a dark place, I constantly question, but what if?

I'm ready to have my life back, as a mum, wife, woman, adult. I was starting to feel a little patronised towards the end, like a child having her homework marked and analysed every week, but I think that showed a massive positive shift in my mental state as when I was first admitted all I wanted to do was get to my therapist and ask her every question under the sun on why I was feeling how I was feeling and am I ever going to recover?

This new chapter of my life is starting and I'm so excited. We'll be celebrating this weekend on the years journey.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, I am so glad this has all happened to me, I've come out a strong person and feel I can help raise awareness and support to other suffers.

Here's to the future! x